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Aeon Flux
I wasn’t going to review this movie as I didn’t want to pique anybodies curiosity. After all, could it really be as bad as DMR said it was. And the answer to that is No, it’s far worse. Mere words cannot express the agony that was induced while watching Aeon Flux.
The movie should have had a lot going for it. Charlize Theron in skintight outfits, cool if dodgy setting, and a woman with hands instead of feet. Unfortunately, the director seemed to have the attention span of an ADHD child on amphetamines. This was clearly evident in the way the film jumped from scene to scene. Only long years of exposure to bad movies gave me any form of tolerance, and that was sorely tested.
Dodginess
I feel like I am defiling everything the Stay Puft Marchmallow Man scale stands for by giving this one a rating, so I’m not going to. Instead it gets the AntiNike, (Just don’t do it) The film still had a dodgiest moment. In this case it was after I had bought my ticket and was thinking that the film still had a chance. Boy was I mistaken.
Rewatchability Rating
Again the AntiNike rears it’s head. Don’t even try to watch this to see just how bad it is. Avoid it altogether. Then only reason ever to own or rent this movie is to scratch/burn/destroy/entomb in a six foot leadlined shell to prevent it’s evil influence. If you have access to the master copy of this one, I beg you to destroy it and remove one of the greatest sources of evil the world has ever known. Not even the Necronomicon could inflict this much pain and suffering.
Most Memorable Quote
Give how bad the movie is, you’d think that there is no way there could be a memorable quote, and you’d be right. This quote comes from before the film. “It’s got Charlixe Theron in skintight outfits, and a chick with hands instead of feet, how bad could it be?” If anyone ever tries to convince you to watch a film based on the outfits of the women in the movie, beat them like a red-headed step-child. Then don’t go see the film.
Final Thoughts
I can’t stress often enough how bad this movie was. If you’ve already seen it, you have my condolences. If you choose to go see it after reading this, I take no responsibility for the emotional suffering that will be inflicted.