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Constantine
The film opens with a religious relic hidden in a Nazi flag, and at that point you’re thinking where’s Indiana Jones when you need him. Then the finder of the “Spear of Destiny” gets killed in a spectacular car crash, and runs off. Following on from that is a girl up in the corner of the ceiling, without the benefit of hallucinogenic drugs, and a demon who gets pulled out of her into a mirror, after trying to eat John Constantine from her neck, and all of this happens before the opening credits. From that point you know you’re in for a dodge fest.
The casting in this one is pretty spot on. Keanu Reeves in a serious movie can’t act, however, Keanu Reeves in a dodgy movie can’t act either, but it’s not such an issue. Tilda Swinton, whether she’s the White Witch or the Angel Gabriel is always a little psychotic, Shia LaBeouf is rapidlay making a name for himself as the semi-incompetent side kick, which is fine, he’s good at it, as long as he doesn’t become like every other actor and try to branch out into serious acting, he should have a good career. But the real highlight is Peter Stromare as Satan. Maybe it’s some subtle anti-communist commentary seeing as how he normally plays the crazy Russian, or maybe they chose him because he is completely believable as the prince of darkness but whatever the reason, the choice was inspired.
Constantine is everything you want from a comic book adaptation. There’s no character development, Constantine starts the movie as an asshole with severe lung cancer, fighting demons, and ends the movie as an asshole without cancer, fighting demons. The plot is straightforward, Evil wants to take over the world, although the slight twist is that Good is helping, and Constantine needs to stop it with the aid of the Devil. And there are enough awe inspiring special effects that you don’t ever lose sight of the dodgy nature of the film.
Dodginess
There are a large number of incredibly dodgy moments in this film, and yet, while watching the movie they don’t seem so dodgy as they are very much in keeping with the style of the movie. It’s only when you try to describe the movie to someone who hasn’t seen it that you realise just how dodgy it really is. This one rates a 5 on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man scale. It’s reasonably hard to pick the dodgiest moment because of the number of truly great dodgy moments in Constantine. The fight between Balthazar and Constantine, the chase through the walls of the building, Constantine going into hell, twice, Angela (Rachel Weiss) being drowned by Constantine and her subsequent bathtub shattering escape, the use of the electric chair as a fortune telling device, even the entrance of the Devil himself don’t win the title. No, the title goes to the bug demon and it’s demise. Watching it get splattered on the windscreen is surprising the first time, and amusing every time thereafter.
Rewatchability Rating
This one may be a little dark and intense to be rewatched as often as the more lighthearted comic book movies. Given the source material, the tone of the movie isn’t a huge surprise. There are, however, a number of lighthearted moments and different things seem funny each time you watch it. Constantine gets a 4 on the rewatchability index.
Most Memorable Quote
Some may say that the best line in the movie comes before Angela is attacked and Constantine defends her. Angela states, “I don’t believe in the Devil.” To which Constantine replies, “You should, He believes in you.” And while this is great, it lacks that arrogance implicit in everything Constantine does. The real best quote from the movie is Constantine’s entrance into the room full of half-breeds. This one contains everything you need to know about how he treats the rest of the world, specifically that part of it that isn’t quite human. “Hi, my name’s John.”
Final Thoughts
The battle between Good an Evil always makes for good viewing, especially when Good turns out to be Evil and Evil ultimately advances the cause of Good. Even if you don’t know the source material, this one is still worth watching.