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Jumper
If you ever find yourself in a position where you want to know how to make a bad film out of interesting premise (a group of people who can teleport), a war, (they are being chased by a group of religious fanatics) and the master of bad-ass Samuel L. Jackson, as you main villain, watch Jumper. If you aren’t in this position, I suggest you avoid it like the plague.
At the beginning, I was still under the impression that it would be watchable. They did the “superhero origin” plotline in a nice short burst, which I felt boded well. Sadly I was mistaken. Where they could have had a number of great fight scenes with multiple jumpers and paladins, instead they had one fight scene between a jumper and 2 paladins, and a overhead shot of a forest with flashes of light, presumably, the electricity discharge from the paladin weapons.
The disappointment continued when it seemed like the only reason to have the second jumper in the movie was so that there was someone to explain to the audience the plotline. And to lead to the startling discovery that David Rice’s mother is a Paladin, which is why she left them when he was 5. Real shocker that was relevant to the story.
Dodginess
With so much unrealised potential, it’s not suprising that Jumper only rates a 2 on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man scale. Where there could have been a number of great fight scenes, we got 2. Where the potential for awesome scenery was, we got the pyramids and sphinx, and big cities. The only really notable scene was the car ride through the city in which the car was “jumped” through the traffic. That was pretty cool and gets the dodgiest moment award.
Rewatchability Rating
The only way this one could have scored lower is if it took my expectations and ground them into a paste ala Aeon Flux, instead of merely jumping up and down on them. Only watch this one if you have to choose between this, Catwoman and Aeon Flux, and even then, you’d be better off staring at a blank screen for 2 hours. Jumper scores a 1 on the rewatchability rating.
Most Memorable Quote
Normally, a movie with Samuel L. Jackson can be relied on to provide some memorable quotes. After all, he even managed one in “Snakes on a Plane”. In Jumper, there’s only one quote worth mentioning, which happens shortly before David Rice robs the bank. “What would you have done.” You have to admit, if you could teleport, it would be awfully tempting.
Final Thoughts
Jumper was a real disappointment. While I wasn’t expecting a lot from the film, I was expecting more than it delivered. Just avoid this one.