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The Core
The Core is one of the dodgiest movies you’re ever likely to see. This has been achieved by combining a disaster movie with an action film. In addition to this combination, they’ve remade the classic Jules Verne, Journey to the Centre of the Earth, using the best guess knowledge that science currently has on the structure of our planet.
As a disaster film, The Core delivers with the destruction of a couple of instantly recognisable monuments including the Coliseum and that old faithful, The Golden Gate Bridge. As an action film, the team must overcome a series of obstacles including the deaths of 2/3rds of the team. The Villain of the piece is the disaster, which must be stopped, by using nuclear weapons. The reason for the disaster is conveniently called DESTINI which stands for Deep Earth Seismic Trigger INItiative. Yup, someone really had to labour to come up with that acronym, although, not as badly as someone had to labour to come up with the Acronym for the PATRIOT act. If you don’t believe me, google it and see. Truth really is stranger than fiction.
Aaron Eckhart is the loveable super-agent/scientist masquerading under the guise of a college professor. The female lead, and she wasn’t chosen for eye candy, which was a pity, but there is enough visual feasting to distract you from this is played by Hilary Swank, while Stanley Tucci is present as the arrogant, man-you-love-to-hate, scientist, who created DESTINI. Well, eventually, they save the world by using a series of improbable decisions and events, but more about those in the dodginess rating.
Dodginess
5 on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Scale feels way to low for a movie of this calibre, but, no rating system could do it justice, so it will have to just live with scoring the maximum. Discounting the massive flaws in science that the film neatly skips around, which, if I started to list and analyse I’d never finish the review, there are a number of very dodgy sequence taken almost directly from a Hitchcock film in which the pigeons attack the entire Trafalgar Square would almost take the title of the dodgiest moment. Unfortunately for it, but fortunately for us, it is followed by a scene in which a space shuttle is landed in the Los Angeles River, and yet, even that doesn’t quite take the title. No, the dodgiest moment has to go to the destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge. This monument has been destroyed so often in films it’s a wonder that it is actually still standing in real life. Maybe Mother Nature has a sense of humour after all.
Rewatchability Rating
The Core is amusing, full of action, and while it doesn’t have car chases and gun fights, it does have lightning super storms, a giant amethyst geode, microwaves destroying the Golden Gate Bridge, and Stanley Tucci. The positives far outweigh the negatives, and while it is almost a Train-Wreck film, it’s not that bad that you won’t watch it again. It is that dodgy that you find yourself asking “Why is the rum gone?” on more than one occasion, but these all join together to make a magnificent rewatchable film, and if you ever manage to finish watching it in a non-paralytic state while playing Dodgy Movies Reviewed, The Drinking Game you can take solace in the fact that you are a hardcore alcoholic, or a student. The Core gets that rare score of 5 on the rewatchability Index.
Most Memorable Quote
The Core really has two pieces of dialogue that really stand out for me as epitomising the flippant nature with which this movie treats everything. “How much would I cost to have it done in 3 months?” “50 billion dollars.” “Will you take a check?” “Why don’t you use a credit card? You get miles.” And of course, the exchange just before the ship crashes into the giant Amethyst geode. “I never taught the computer how to read empty space.” “I never taught Virgil how to fly.”
Final Thoughts
It has action, It has no drama, and best of all it has no cheesy love scene to detract from the superb dodginess that comprises The Core. If you’ve only just caught on to the joy of watching dodgy movies as a means to disengage your brain from the real world, this one will hook you on them for life. And, if you’re a seasoned professional, you won’t even need to make any attempt to disengage the higher brain function and enjoy the pretty colours.