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The Rock
The film starts out with a lot of promise; the lightning striking the tree that is the trademark of Jerry Bruckheimer is generally a good sign, and the film opening with poison gas rockets being stolen from a military base was an even better one. Of course, the theft/use of poison gas would not be the same without the now obligatory face melting scene, and while not as graphic as those in Indiana Jones, it was still a great show.
Basically, Stanley Goodspeed (Nicholas Cage), a biochemical weapons expert, and real lab bunny and John Patrick Mason (Sean Connery), the kind of British-trained Super-agent that makes James Bond look like a Carebear, have to penetrate the island prison of Alcatraz in order to stop Frank Hummel (Ed Harris), a disenfranchised soldier with which the EMO generation can relate, from unleashing the VX-gas rockets on an unsuspecting San Francisco and saving the day.
What follows is much whining from Nicholas Cage (EMO poster boy) and much asskicking from Sean Connery (what else did you expect) and the day is saved, with a little help from Ed Harris wimping out.
Dodginess
This is a fairly typical action movie, and doesn’t really go above and beyond that required to rank high on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man scale. That being said, there are a number of dodgy moments typical of a film of this type. Explosions, gunfights and a car chase in which a Ferrari gets written off by a tram are just a few of the notable scenes. It was a little sad watching a Ferrari get totalled by a tram, but, the Ferrari was a hideous yellow colour, so it wasn’t a great loss. However, the dodgiest moment was definitely Nicolas Cage winning a fist fight by breaking a vial of poison gas in his opponent’s mouth and then having to stab himself in the heart with a 4 inch needle. Nicolas Cage winning a fist fight against a marine is dodgy enough, but watching him pull off a “Pulp Fiction” moment on himself definitely pushed this one over the edge of average and up to a 4 on the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Scale.
Rewatchability Rating
I was torn between whether to give The Rock a 3 or a 4 on the rewatchability index. Ultimately, I’ll give it a 4 as there is no way it is less rewatchable than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. At least watching it on DVD you can skip all the boring parts, not that there are that many of those and move straight along to the car chases, bomb diffusals, gun fights etc.
Most Memorable Quote
No matter how good any of the other lines in The Rock are, they all pale into insignificance next to the Sean Connery classic, complete with Scottish accent. “Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”
Final Thoughts
The Rock is a mindless action film and would be a great addition to any DVD collection, if you don’t own it already. If you haven’t already seen it, what are you still doing reading this. Go, get a copy now and watch it.